Always a procrastinator, I wrote my wedding vows on the day of my wedding on two sheets of complimentary stationary provided by The Inn at Holiday Valley while my bridesmaids got their hair done at the School House Salon in Ellicottville, N.Y.
Here they are (unedited):
10 promises to Joe by Heidi
1. I promise to always let you keep our house temperature below 76 degrees.
2. I promise to always make you turkey or tuna sammies for lunch, depending on your preference, and in the event that we’re all out of tuna, I promise to buy you your favorite diet tuna.
3. I promise to keep the house adequately stocked with Timmy Ho’s coffee.
4. I promise to always dance Cubbie when you play his favorite song on your guitar.
5. I promise to always dance on your feet to slow Phish songs.
6. I promise to always sing back-up vocals to your made-up songs.
7. I promise to let you watch ESPN Sports Center after you get home from work and even though Keith Olbermann irritates me, I’ll let you watch MSNBC during dinner – and while I’m at it, I promise to never nag you about the chicken and ketchup you always drop on the carpet.
8. I promise to always wait for you at the top of hills when we take the olympic route on bike rides.
9. I promise to always listen to the first drafts of all your stories.
10. I promise to be a good sport – a better sport – when you win our Rummy games.
You are the best thing to ever happen to me. You keep me grounded, you keep me laughing and you keep me guessing. I love your quirks, your spontaneity and your predictability. I love that you tell me I’m beautiful and fresh-faced in the morning, even when I know I’m anything but. I love your open mind, your open heart and your wit. I love that when I complain about my hair growing into a mullet, you trim it for me with the kitchen scissors.
I love our pancake breakfasts and 20-mile bike rides, our evening card games and Wipe-Out/Take-Out nights. You make me a better person. A lighter person.
I give you this ring and promise with all my heart to be yours forever. Whatever adventures lie before us will be a riot no doubt. There’s no one else I want in my corner. I love you so much.
PS. When we were on our honeymoon in Upstate NY, we took at least three dozen photographs using the camera’s self-timer option as we jumped off a giant concrete fire pit in the woods in the middle of Saranac Lake. On Day 7, we paid $25 for a rented canoe, paddled out to our own private island in the Adirondack Mountains, feasted on a picnic lunch of fat deli sammies and cold Labatt Blue and freestyle jumped off boulders all day. Although our aerobic photo shoot lasted for one solid hour of hilariousness, it resulted in moderate calf pain and tender ankles. Joe paid for several poor landings the next day while summiting Whiteface Mountain.