Want to get dismissed from jury duty? Possess cognitive skills.
A month before my wedding I was summoned for jury duty. The date? September 23, during my honeymoon. How romantic. I asked to be excused and thus my request was granted and rescheduled for today.
So here I sit, in a courthouse cafeteria in Pinellas County, Florida, having just fielded 400 questions from a state attorney and defense attorney regarding a dude who drank too much, DROVE, got pulled over, refused a breathalyzer test, failed a field sobriety test and was charged with a DUI. I tried to be impartial, but apparently something I said rubbed the defense attorney the wrong way.
Now you tell me if you think this question is LOADED and DUMB.
The defense attorney: “Ms. Kurpiela, let’s say at the end of the day you find my client not guilty, but in your heart of hearts you thought he was guilty. How would you feel about that?”
Me: “Can you please repeat the question?”
The defense attorney: “OK. In your heart of hearts you think my client is guilty of driving under the influence of alcohol, but because the state attorney’s office was unable to prove its case you must find him not guilty. How do you feel about that?”
Me: “How do I feel about that? Honestly the question is rigged. If in my heart of hearts I think your client is guilty then the state attorney’s office has done its job and I’ll find him guilty. If I feel in my heart of hearts that your client is not guilty, then I’ll find him NOT GUILTY. I’m a blank slate right now, but at the end of the day I won’t be conflicted. If we don’t make decisions based on what our heart of HEARTS is telling us, then how else do we decide?”
Silence.
My fellow juror candidates started mumbling. The two state attorneys smirked. The defense attorney, clearly flummoxed, turned to face the judge, who offered nothing but a shrug. His client? The guy on trial? His face turned red.
The defense attorney: “Thank you, Ms. Kurpiela.”
And then we broke for a 15-minute recess and when we returned to the courtroom I was dismissed.
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PS. Larry King’s 1971 mug shot courtesy of the Miami-Dade Police Department.
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I don’t know about there, but here in Spain you are “on call” for two years if you’re selected. During those two years you can’t leave the country for an extended period of time without previous notice and you can be summoned any given day with no re-scheduling unless you are about to die.
October 22nd, 2009 at 2:23 pmI got the dreaded letter 3 years ago now, and those two years I was tense every time I saw the postman in case he brought me the notice saying I was summoned for jury duty. I’m thankful I wasn’t called. I believe in my duties as a citizen, I just don’t believe my arguments would please any judge…
I have always relied logic and empirical data for those things. Jury selection is always thwarted when you are a science major. (or in your case, super smart!)
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:32 pmAlthough, apparently today I am not reliable in terms of sentence construction. Gah.
October 22nd, 2009 at 5:32 pmWay to go….leave the man speechless and I bet still scratching his head. You may not have been selected, but he will definately remember you.
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:55 pmoops…my turn now definitely! LOL
October 22nd, 2009 at 7:57 pmThat was a great answer, fast thinker kid. I’m so proud of our girl. You speak from the heart, and that’s the way it should be.
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:08 amI’ve never had to actually go in, and I’ve only had to call in once. Now that I’ve admitted that on the ‘net I’m probably going to get a summons tomorrow. Love your answer. Sounds like this case would have been hell if you had to sit through any more than just the questioning.
October 24th, 2009 at 10:37 amThat is a pretty stupid question. I mean, COME ON, were you supposed to flip a coin?
The last time I was summoned, I was dismissed too. It was for this gang-banger with about ten billion tattoos who had been arrested for child molestation and rape. The defense attorney asked me if I could be impartial, and the defendent was right there, and about half a dozen members of the gang were behind him in the stands giving the potential jurors the stink eye, and I was like, yeah, no, not so much, because I promise you that I am going to find that man innocent. No way in hell am I about to pass along a sentence to someone with six thugs running around free who can come after my family.
So then again, I guess sometimes some of us wimps of the world are not exactly about the heart of hearts when it comes time to serve.
October 27th, 2009 at 10:45 amI’ll have to remember that if I’m ever summoned (which I haven’t been yet).
October 28th, 2009 at 12:46 pm