Archives for June 2010

The crowning of lucky No. 13

June 22, 2010 by heidi 8 Comments

Remember how I said I haven’t been to the dentist in 16 years?

Well, today I went. It was a follow-up visit to last week’s preliminary new patient visit.

This second visit was much more productive, expensive and saliva-filled. I got a deep cleaning, had three cavities filled and a crown put on what the dentist referred to as tooth no. 13.

Seriously? 13!

Ugh. If I weren’t a writer who appreciated irony, I’d think this was some sort of sick joke.

ANYWAY. The work took four and half hours and cost me $900.

$900 divided by 16 years = $56.25 a year, which is the only consolation I’m comfortable with right now as I slurp noodle soup out a mug and hope like hell that the heat will numb the throbbing on my left side and that the additional freelance work I picked up this month will cover the cost of 16 years of dental avoidance.

The dentist is f#@%ing frightening. No wonder so many people speak ill of it.

By the way, I lied to everyone in the office about how long it’s been since I’ve been to a dentist. I told them my last cleaning was in 2006. I think the dentist, her assistant and the hygienist could tell it had been longer when I had no idea how to handle the spit-sucking tube. Every time it stuck to my tongue I started laughing.

The laughing stopped when the drilling started.

What a god awful experience. And to think I have to go back. I have all four of my wisdom teeth and they’re slowly impacting like colossal glaciers on the move in a too-tiny pond.

—

PS. My head shot courtesy of Kevin Dooley via Flickr.

Dinner Rehab #4: Show no mercy

June 17, 2010 by heidi 10 Comments

Delicious vegetables are in the mouth of the beholder.

Tonight’s Dinner Rehab meal plan comes from Angel. (Remember Angel?) Rather than tiptoe around Joe’s irrational fear of vegetables, Angel emailed me three suggestions that would require sedating and blind folding my husband then feeding him intravenously while he lays unconscious.

Heidi,

It is probably a reasonable bet that you and Joe will not be consuming the three dinner-time staples that Jonathan and I eat, mainly because of the vegetable content, but I will throw them out there. Maybe it will spark some ideas.

1. Stir-fry: Brown rice, loads of veg (spinach, kale, swiss chard, mushrooms, celery, snap peas, zucchini, broccoli, summer squash, carrots, onions … whatever is in season), red curry pasta, sriacha, diced pork loin or chicken breast (Everything but the rice sautéed in chicken broth with the sriacha and red curry and a single drop of sesame oil.) I have been mad for this awesome Tamari soy sauce lately, so I usually throw a dash of that in as well. I usually make this when I am short on time and/or creativity. Tons of sriacha covers up the fact that I am eating healthy. I can pretend it is take-out.

2. Whole wheat spaghetti noodles with a ground turkey and vegetable sauce: (usually includes fresh basil and oregano, onion, garlic, mushroom and zucchini.) Sprinkle some fresh grated parm on top and it is carb heaven, but still really good for you.

3. Ground turkey nachos with fat free vegetarian refried beans (on the side): homemade salsa and guacamole. Jonathan will eat half a tub of sour cream with these, and not a small tub.

Jonathan used to be super anti-vegetable. He actually ate peas and green beans the other night. At the same time. Without bitching! I just started sneaking things in and making them in a way that actually tasted good. Plus, I totally have him on my organic, local food bandwagon, now that he realizes vegetables can actually taste good. Our garden is huge this year (148 sq. ft.!) and my mom has a farm a couple of hours away, so in addition to the CSA we belong to, it is safe to say we always have a shit-ton of vegetables and fruit in the house at all times. I don’t remember the last time I bought anything at a grocery store.**

I am a cooking freak and an admitted kitchen Nazi. If you really want to get me excited, let’s talk about Kitchen-Aid attachments, mandolines, and butcher blocks. It’s sad, really.

Good luck getting out of your rut!

Angel

**Must be nice.

—

PS. Top photo courtesy of Maggie Hoffman via Flickr.

Exit Planet Dust

June 13, 2010 by heidi 2 Comments

I was thinking this morning about how much I love the album cover from the Chemical Brothers’ 1995 debut album Exit Planet Dust.

Whenever I walk into Joe’s man cave, it stares up at me from the leaning tower of CDs he’s stockpiled over the years. I’m always grateful that it’s on the top shelf, facing out.

I can’t tell if the sun is rising or setting in this picture and I don’t really care.

I love the composition. I love The Dukes of Hazzard car coming up over the hill. I love the couple’s posture. I love that they’re calmly ambling along a seemingly busy highway. I love the subtle awning of palm fronds over their heads

I love that he has one hand around her back and one hand in his pocket. I love that they’re both looking down like they’re counting their steps. Is that a guitar strapped to his back?

I always wonder where they’re going.

The pug and I in Jane Martin’s “Talking With”

June 7, 2010 by heidi 10 Comments

We did it. And in the end, it was painless. Exhilarating even. The experience, as I told my mother-in-law, who co-directed the play, was the scariest and most exciting adventure I’ve ever embarked on — and I’ve embarked on many adventures.

Plus, the proceeds from our ticket sales benefit my mother-in-law and sister-in-law’s Susan G. Komen 3-Day For The Cure breast cancer walk. Rosey, my sister-in-law, was also in the play. She played a god-fearing baton twirler and gave one helluva performance. Yes, she’s the one who just got married. We suggested she wear her leotard to the reception, but she thought the fur cuffs might be too wintry.

I plan to write about it for the newspaper next week, so I’m saving the details for that story. In the meantime, here’s the YouTube video Joe shot on opening night. It’s not a high-quality clip, but then again, neither are Meryl Streep’s early home videos.

Watch for Cubbie’s perfectly-timed plop-down. The furry little ham started the monologue frozen in place, tethered to a nail in the stage with his bunghole facing the crowd. His agent, who also represents the Men In Black pug, was livid over it. The angle was especially unflattering from the front row, but the Cub didn’t mind. He said it was all a part of his dramatic arc. When I’m threatening to bash his head in with a hammer, he succumbs to the duress, turns around to face the crowd and lays down on cue.

It’s no surprise Cubbie loves the limelight. His father, Elvis The Pug, repeatedly earns critical praise at the Sarasota Pug Parade.

[Read more…]

Funny, no one told me to break a leg before my triathlon.

June 5, 2010 by heidi 4 Comments

Today at 3 p.m., the pug and I make our stage debut in Talking With at Tampa’s Carrollwood Players. We’ll be performing a monologue, which means we can make the whole thing up as we go and no one will know the difference.

If you’re in the area this weekend, swing by and watch us flake out on stage. (Literally. My part is supremely flaky. I think I was typecast.) The show runs again tomorrow (Sunday) at 7:30 p.m.

Last night after dinner, my sister’s parting words to Cubbie were “break a paw.” By the way, the pug is the only male performer in the cast. His dressing room demands include medium-sized Milk-Bones, white popcorn and a small boom-box playing James Brown’s greatest hits.

About 30 seconds ago, I received a text message from my dear friend Loren, who last night dreamed I owned a big black pet lizard. Lizards freak Loren out, so the reptile was not well received. It was the size of a chipmunk and it clung to her arms. When I walked away, it jumped into a bag of groceries. Loren, unaware of the lizard’s whereabouts, set a jug of juice inside the grocery bag, inadvertently crushing the lizard’s back legs.

“I think in a way, I’m supposed to tell you to break a leg today,” she wrote.

—-

PS. I take off all my clothes in the show.

PPS. If you see the play, you’ll know what that means.

PPPS. Photo by Angus McDiarmid via Flickr.

“Loves grows where my Rosemary goes.”

June 1, 2010 by heidi 8 Comments

May 30, 2010 | Clearwater Beach, Florida

On Sunday, my beautiful sister-in-law Rosemary married her beau, Adam at the Sandpearl Resort on Clearwater Beach. I was a bridesmaid, so this little photo essay is missing many pieces. I apologize. Still, some of you asked for some behind-the-scenes shots, so here are a few. I think you’ll agree with me when I say Rosey is one breathtaking bride, Adam is one happy fella and the Sandpearl is one swank venue. Enjoy!

My beaming in-laws and their beaming daughter.

It takes a village to raise a wedding dress.

Jillian (on her knees there) is a bridesmaid extraordinaire. She can fix a bustle in .08 seconds. If this had been a Nascar race and Rosey had been a driver, Jillian would have led the pit crew.

Love the beading on her dress. LOVE IT.

You know how in the movies when a bride walks down the stairs and her family and friends cry because they’ve never seen her look so stunning? Rosey was one of those brides.