Nano Nano
Last night I walked into the living room with a bowl of Halloween candy for Joe to distribute to our trick-or-treaters.
(Note: I will not be home tonight for Halloween. I’m “celebrity” judging a costume contest at a burlesque show in Sarasota, so Joe has been tasked with handing out our loot. )
I take tremendous pride in my Halloween candy assortment. Every year I fill a giant bowl with Reese’s, Twix, Hersheys, lollipops and if I’m feeling generous, Kit Kats. And every year, two or three shy kids show up in the company of nervous parents who advise them to only take ONE measly candy.
“One candy!” I cry. “NONSENSE! Take five candies! Hell, take 10. You’re the only little goblins I get all night. DIG IN.”
I’m bummed I won’t be here tonight to push candy.
(Note: If you’re in Sarasota and you’re planning to attend tonight’s contest, please know I’ve got eccentric taste in costumes. Ladies: I don’t have much love for those of you who dress as floozies for Halloween. Just so you know who you’re dealing with, my last three Halloween costumes were a Wheel of Fortune game piece, a Chinese takeout box and this year, a fugly mom – fupa and all. Timely, no?)
Anyway. Back to the candy bowl.
“This is an important job,” I said. “Make sure you answer every knock.”
“We get like three kids every year,” he grumbled.
“I know. Which is why it’s important you answer every knock. And don’t let them pick their own candy. They’re too polite. Parents train them to take only one piece. Tell them we never get trick-or-treaters and then give ‘em a giant handful.”
Joe rolled his eyes.
“I’ve been to Halloween before,” he said, plucking a Hershey bar from the bowl. “I went as Mork from Ork before you were even born.”
And just like that, my husband became an old man.
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN LANCE-ALOTS!
If I were staying home tonight to hand out candy, I’d go as myself: a scary, bitchy, terribly sleep-deprived mom.
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I love you and your stories. Can I write you a lame email in place of an extremely over-due snail mail? Lame, I know…
November 1st, 2011 at 11:20 pmLZ: I grant you permission to break our unofficial code of correspondence and write me an email. I MUST hear from you. At this point, I don’t care if it’s via TWEET.
November 1st, 2011 at 11:34 pmBTW: my trick-or-treat prediction was right on. We got three kids, one of which was a baby who doesn’t even eat candy yet.
November 1st, 2011 at 11:40 pmhaha.. I loved both of Joe’s responses:
“I’ve been to Halloween before.”
and the Mork comment.
miss you Heids!
November 4th, 2011 at 4:49 amHeidi – who are you kidding? You don’t tweet!
November 4th, 2011 at 12:33 pmOh, you were one of THOSE houses. How I loved wish you were in my neighbourhood when I was little.
November 14th, 2011 at 6:17 am