To the left you will see two pictures – one taken three months ago after receiving a $50 haircut at a swank salon in St. Pete, the other taken last week after receiving a $5 haircut at a beauty school in the ghetto.
“I tell her it’s like living with my mom, which is not a bad thing. It’s a good thing because I love and miss my mom.”
It varied. Sometimes I’d have an interview so I’d come back, clean the house, go to the beach, come back and cook dinner.
Was this a positive experience for you?
I loved it.
Even though you freaked out every night because you didn’t have a job?
Even though I freaked out I loved it. Despite the stress of not having a job, it made me realize that I will make the best housewife. It is my true ambition.
Have you taken any steps toward that ambition?
Um. Are you kidding me? The steps would be to try to find my Prince Charming, but obviously that’s not happening.
Because I realized I’m the oldest 22-year old on the planet.
What about that one guy who took you to the Rays game?
Asshole. He was the most immature 26-year old I ever met. I told you what he told me.
What was that?
That I’m an effing tease.
And how did you respond?
I told him, ‘I didn’t intend to lead you on. I’m sorry if I did.’
And then you hung up the phone?
Have you heard from him since?
He tried calling me and I didn’t pick up.
You like living with Kyle?
Yes. We’re both sort of … I don’t want to say dorky. We both sort of just find stupid things funny. We make each other laugh.
And you have your own bathroom with a yellow theme?
What do you enjoy most about your new independence?
Coming and going as you please. Not always … you know having Dad be like, where you ram-rodding to? And Mom … you know how Mom would say it: ‘You just came home and you’re already going again? It would be nice if you spent one night home.’
Do you miss mom’s cooking?
Yes certain things. But lately she was catering more to Dad’s likings than mine. I’m not one for a chuck roast. You know what I mean. ‘Oh would you like me to make you something else, because I’m making your father a chuck roast.’
How do you like my bed? Entertained any gentleman callers in it?
UGH. I don’t plan on it either I don’t have any health insurance. A man might sit on my bed because there’s no place else to sit in the house, but there hasn’t been any physical activity if that’s what you’re looking for.
Have you discovered any favorite Sarasota places?
I like the Publix that’s nearby.
The one on Ringling?
Yeah. I discovered it after work one day. I fell in love with it the minute I walked in.
People call that the ghetto Publix.
Maybe that’s why I liked it. I’ve got the ghetto ass.
And the cashier was this big mama. And she was the friendliest, nicest cashier ever.