It’s been 11 months since I interviewed my surly sister PK, which is a unfortunate, because many things have happened in little PK’s life since December. One: she got a new job in St. Petersburg closer to me and Joe. Two: Last month she moved into a very tropical apartment complex with vaulted ceilings and granite countertops only five miles up the road from me.

On the ONE day we had 50-degree temperatures, PK and I carved pumpkins and soaked in her apartment hot tub. Since nearly a year has passed since we last heard from the 23-year-old minx, I decided to bring along my tape recorder and fire off a few questions in the rub-a-dub-tub.

However, tape recorders, as every journalist knows, cannot be trusted. In the middle of my conversation with PK the damn thing quit, which is why, in 1999, I stopped bringing tape recorders to interviews. 

Anyway. Here’s what remains of the Q&A…

Lance: OK, so tell me where we are right now.

PK: We’re in the hot tub at my new place.

 L: Where’s your new place?

P: In St. Pete.

L: How would you describe this place?

P: I feel a bit like I’m on vacation. 

L: Your apartment complex does have a certain resort-quality feel.

P: Like I’m in Key West sort of. 

L: Why, because it’s got palm trees and recessed lights?

P: I think because everything is wooden. It just reeks of Key West.

L: Whatever you say. So, your new apartment is on the third floor of this resort?

P: Yes. Joe will testify to that.

L: Because he helped you move?

P: Yes. He moved me up three flights of stairs. I thought he was on the verge of a heart attack.

L: Did you know he was so powerful?

P: No. He’s like a bull.

L: That’s what I always say! Would you pick another apartment on the third floor if you had to do it again?

P: If it meant vaulted ceilings, I probably would.

L: The vaulted ceiling does make your apartment seem bigass.

P: It really does.

L: So how do you like living in St. Pete compared to Sarasota?

P: Well, it’s definitely different. It has a different feel. I think I found my class of people here. There’s definitely a lot of younger people here who aren’t all suave. They don’t have their pink button-down shirts and Eddie Bauer jeans on.

L: Eddie Bauer?

P: Yeah, Eddie Bauer jeans. Don’t people wear those?

L: Yeah in 1992. Rich people in Sarasota probably wear Diesel jeans.

P: Diesel, yes!

L: So, if Sarasota is Diesel jeans, then St. Pete is…

P: Levi’s.

L: I like that. I can live with that. The price-point difference between the two cities is a $60 pair of jeans versus a $150 pair of jeans. 

P: Yes.

L: Tell me about your new job.

P: I work for the Greek Gods.

L: You do now?

P: I work at a Greek school. It’s Heaven actually.

L: Why because they feed you Greek bread throughout the day?

P: I get Greek bread three times a week. It’s blessed bread.

—- the tape recorder inexplicably shuts off —-

L: Still no man in your life?

P: I’m in love with the school janitor. 

L: You are?

P: Yes. I got a stain on my A-B-C carpet the other day. It’s the carpet I use to tell my stories on and I was complaining to the janitor about how one of my kids spilled their Hi-C on it and he said, “Don’t worry. I will take care of it.” And then he rolled it up, took it outside and scrubbed the fruit punch out of it.

L: Can you tell it was stained?

P: No.

L: Wow, what a man!

P: I told him I could take him home and use him a lot. 

L: Do you think he took that the wrong way?

P: What way?